Family Matters
by Bobby South
Summary: Where has Stan gone to?
1. In Which Francine Crashes a Car

A hopefully wonderful expected day turned into one of my worst days! Stan promised me he'd be home for dinner at seven sharp! This dinner was to celebrate Steve's and Hayley's last night here before they both head off to proper college. But the food kept on getting cold and I was getting very angry, shouting at Roger and Klaus for trying to sneak the food away all the time.

So I decided to screw dinner and just sit down and watch tv. Then what I saw made absolute sense. "President Obama was paying a visit here in Langley Falls to the C.I.A. building," said Greg, my neighbor, "and he was shot by C.I.A. agent Stan Smith, who ran away!"

"What?" Not my Stan! He may have lost his favourite president, but that doesn't mean he want to kill the new one. Now Stan was on the run for his life.

"Now the C.I.A. are driving to his house to search for evidence and question his family," said Terry on the tv. And the picture showed our house with the C.I.A outside!

The C.I.A. was here! I knew we had to get away. "Guys, everyone!" I yelled to my family. They all came down. "Roger, get some wigs and disguises! We are leaving tonight! We have to get away!"

"Why now, Mom?" asked Hayley.

"Don't ask!" I ordered. "Just let's get ready to go!"

Roger brought his disguises down. I went as Lisa Cuddy, Steve went as Joe 90, Hayley went as Alice from _Alice in Wonderland_, Roger was dressed as Buzz Lightyear and Klaus was in a poop costume. We all sneaked out of the house, climbed over the wall before the C.I.A. took over, and we landed in Mr. Jones' garden. We stole his car that he rarely uses.

"What are you doing?" asked Steve, shocked to see what I was doing.

"I'm doing what I have to do," I answered. "Besides, I'm insured!"

As luck had it, no lights on the house were lit when we drove off.

And I drove and drove out of Langley Falls. Then I've been driving for some long I didn't know where I was.

"Mom, you've been driving for hours," said Hayley, tired. "You should pull over and rest."

"No!" I cried, trying not to show my tiredness.

"Huh!" groaned Roger. "I can drive better than her."

"_You_ drive and I vomit in my bowl everywhere," moaned Klaus.

"Will you two just shut up and go to sleep?" I yelled, turning to face them.

"Mom! Look!" cried Steve.

I turned around and saw big traffic lights coming towards us. So I turned the car around and we were rolling down a slope and heading out for sea! I turned, but we went over anyway. SPLASH! Our heads banged with each other and we went unconscious.


	2. In Which Steve meets an Ex

"Oh!" My head was spinning like a snowspeeder around an imperial walker. Then I woke up. This must be a dream but it looked like I was on a pier from a long distance tropical island with blue skies and water, green plants and yellow sands. I was on my own and my shirt and jeans were ripped.

"Where am I?" I asked.

"You're on a long distance island," said a voice.

"Who are you? Where are you?"

"Down here!"

I looked down and all I saw was a tortoise. "I know it's strange."

"Actually, it's not," I told him. "I have a goldfish who can talk. I find it easy to believe that there must be a hundred of animals that can talk!" I just didn't believe this at all.

"I don't expect you to believe that either," said another voice. I looked up and I saw an Amazon bird. "It doesn't make any sense."

"What?" I shrieked.

"Don't worry," said a dolphin, emerging from the sea.

"We won't hurt you," said another one, emerging too.

"All right, stop!" I yelled. "Where am I? Who are you?"

"You're on Houty Island just off Hawaii," said a beautiful female voice.

I turned and looked everywhere but I couldn't find anyone more. I looked on the sea...

"No, I'm not a mermaid! Look around!" I turned to see a white speed boat and in it a beautiful tanned girl with ginger hair in a green bikini. She looked six years older than me.

"Hi, Steve," greeted the girl.

"Who are you? How do you know my name?"

_Then I remembered. When I was at my elementary school, I did the water sports challenges and I won a trophy. I did this to impress a water sports enthusiast called Katrina Lynne. Sadly, she had to go away with her brother and her uncle, who I never knew or met._

"Well, hi, Katrina," I greeted back. "How are you doing?"

"Well, I'm not gone to school ever since I left yours and I've had a very good life in the fresh air and lovely sun," Katrina answered me.

"Very good," I said, envying her.

"What about you?" she asked.

"Well, I've been going to school, getting educated and living with my family, who I am not with now," I told her.

"Come with me," she offered. "Let's get married and live our lives here. You're not engaged, are you?"  
"Well, I have tried ever since you left me, but they've not been as good as you."

"Then let's go."

All the animals cheered. "Who are your friends?" I asked Katrina.

"The tortoise is called Kevin, the Amazon bird is called Thomas and the dolphin twins are Alex and Chris."

"Hello," said all of the animals.

Then Katrina stopped me from getting in the boat and handed me a cable tow. "Let's see if you're not out of practice," she chuckled as she started the speed boat.

"You're not water-skiing," the dolphins chuckled. "You're dolphin-skiing."

I was nervous but I got ready anyway. While everyone else was getting ready, I began to think if this was real and what happened to my family.


	3. In Which Hayley falls into quicksand

The first thing I smelled was a big bark tree. I woke up and saw that I was standing next to a Metrosideros bush and it pricked my pretty nose. That hurt me enough to know that I was not dreaming. I looked around and I saw that I was alone in a strange forest and judging by my knowledge of plants and trees I was on a Hawaii island.

"Mom? Roger? Steve! Klaus!" I yelled as I walked through the forest. I yelled a good few times, but it was no good. I was scared and worried. Then, to make matters worse, I went further down to the ground. I was in quicksand!

"Help! Help!" But that didn't help either. And I was sinking very fast. When the sand reached my chin, I was thinking of the horrible crap life I've had all my life and how the world wasn't getting any better with pollution getting worst and more animals getting extinct. So I was about to welcome my death. So my head went under and my arms were reaching up. Then a rope was thrown on my hand and it was so tight around my arm. I was being pulled up out of the quicksand and into the hairy hands of a hairy young man with black hair. He was wearing scruffy clothes and he seemed to be the same age as me.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Thanks to you," I smiled. "I'm Hayley."

"I'm Sam," the hairy man smiled. Then he turned around. "Hey, guys, where the hell are you?"

Then I couldn't believe what I saw. I saw a snake, a zebra, a camel and a blue bird-of-paradise coming near Sam.

"I'm so sorry, Sam," apologized the zebra. "I got my head stuck."

"You're always getting your head stuck, Jack!" yelled Sam. "Bruce, what's your excuse?"

"My mother is poorly," said the blue bird-of-paradise called Bruce.

"I was in the middle of my lunch," confessed the snake called Max.

"And I was resting for my next journey," said the camel.

"I get you out of that horrible building without a trace and this is how you thank me? By giving me excuses?"

"What horrible place?" I asked.

"You don't want to go there," was all Sam told me. "So where are you going?"

And I told him about the night when the C.I.A. arrived to arrest Dad at my house and how Mom crashed into the sea and how I was on a tropical island I've never been to on my own.

"Well, they must be here somewhere," Sam said. "Come on, let's go and explore."

And off I went with a sexy man with his talking animal friends.


	4. In Which Francine hears her New Friends

What a surprise! I crashed into the sea and then I was sleeping like a log. Then something woke me up – it was like Stan snuggling me. But when I woke up, it was a tongue from a boar!

"Ahh! Get away from me, you disgusting creature!" I screamed.

"Hey, I was trying to be friendly," protested the boar.

I screamed, seeing that the boar could actually talk! Then I was swooped up onto a brown horse's back.

"You don't know have to impress no lady, Phil!" the horse shouted at the boar. "Come on, babe, Bob'll show you excitement."

I was worried about this and, guess what, I was right! I was humping up and down on rocky paths and mountains. I screamed but they didn't care at all. "STOP! STOP!" I kept on shouting, but it was like shouting to a brick wall. They finally stopped and I found myself in a pond. I reached the surface and caught my breath.

"ALL RIGHT!" I shouted. "WHAT'S GOING ON? WHERE AM I?"

"Don't worry, ma'am," said a posh voice. "I'll explain everything." I turned around to see a bear next to me. "Let me help you out." He gave me his paw. I was unsure, but I took it and he helped me out of the water.

Later, that night, the bear calling himself Sir Andrew had built a fire for me and Phil and Bob. I told him my story and they listened so much that they seem to have felt the same as me. So I asked them, "How did you get your voices?"

"Well, it all began..." Sir Andrew began.

_What Andrew told me was that they were human beings once. Phil was going to get married here in Hawaii twenty years ago. They were out for his bachelor party. Then, when that was over, they went through a walk in this forest. They were drunk and caught by these strangers who showed them to their factory. Then they were put to sleep and then they were the animals they are now today. Then the police arrived to search for them, but the animals knew they would never find them and Phi had never what became of his bride._

I was not scared anymore and I began to comfort them. "I'm sorry what happened to you guys," she smiled. "It wasn't your fault. But I can help you with your lives now _I_ have lost my Stan and my whole family."

"Thank you, that's very kind of you," smiled Sir Andrew, falling to sleep. Phil and Bob joined him.

"And thank God I lost those two other irritating creatures in my house!" I cheered which was one of the best things that ever happened today and in my life. So I went happily to sleep.


	5. In Which Roger gets a Job

Well, if Francine didn't miss me, I sure as hell didn't miss her! I arrived on a Hawaii Island – an island I've never been too. I only saw them on movies like _Blue Crush_ and _Cast Away_, I think. But now I get to experience it for real!

So I was walking through the giant forest and... I was walking. Nothing exciting happened. Birds must have flown south to winter, animals must be hiding for winter and there were no traps like Indiana Jones.

Then I saw a man in a dark, black hood with a gun. His face was completely covered. He caught me and threw me to a tree.

"Who were your parents?" he demanded. I was surprised that he seemed to know _me_ and he wasn't scared about my alien presence. "Were they a walrus and an elephant?"

I thought all the times I had to be cooped up in that disgusting house all my life ever since I saved Stan at Area 51 and every time I went out of the house I had to wear wigs. Maybe this is the new life I can have: to walk around and be my natural self. So I answered, "Yes, my parents were a walrus and an elephant. My name is Roger."

"Well, my factory is looking for someone to help. Come with me."

"Oh, ho, I will!" I praised very happy.

* * *

I followed him to the biggest and largest factory I have ever seen. It was impressive on the outside, but when I went in, I was even more impressed. They had everything: computers, food, televisions (gigantic), and relaxing sofas. And most of the staff was creatures of all time and they didn't have to wear wings and clothes. I was very impressed. I was wondering what job I would get – maybe a movie star, a comedian, a dancer and who knows? Well, _I_ knew when I got job: a bloody janitor.

I swept and mopped do it every hour. I would get table scraps for meals and then I would go to bed on a puppy bean bag, which was unfair on me and the other creatures that did much hard work as I did. To get out, I would need someone like Stan, but no! He had to go and shoot the President and his family and I had to run away.

Then the same guy who found me threw me into the generator room for me to sweep and mop. Then I saw someone I knew who used to live his life in dirty water but now lives in clean water.

"Roger?" shrieked the talking goldfish.

"Klaus?" I could hardly believe that my old friend was here. "How did you get here?"

"After the car crashed, I fell out of my boat and I would swim away if it weren't the rough waves! Then I was fished up along with cods and haddocks by some fishing boat and then this dark figure caught me and chucked me in here so I can live – in a giant contained jar and no freedom!" He started to cry.

"What job do you have?" I asked.

"I swim around to make bubbles to power up this factory or whatever it is. A new way to generate energy, I suppose. We need to get out of here. We need Stan."

I agreed about getting out, but you have the memories to remember what I said, but if you don't, fine, Stan was in trouble and he can't help us, so we needed to do it ourselves.

"Come on, buddy, we don't need Stan," I told him. "We can do it ourselves." I grabbed my bucket and broke the glass. Water poured out, along with Klaus. I picked him up, put him in a slim glass of jar – he couldn't swim around, just live in it – and we ran out for our lives.

Lucky this factory has no security guards. So it seemed our escape was easy as stepping up stairs. Then, for some reason, we went unconscious.

* * *

Later, we woke up and saw that we were in a cell. Then a door opened. It was the masked figure who caught us both in the first places.

"I get you a job and a new life and this is how you thank me?" he yelled. "Well, the only life you get in life imprisonment! Enjoy!" He slammed the door.

I laughed at this. "What's so funny?" asked Klaus.

"I made a breakout plan," I said, showing the blueprints of the prison. "Just like Michael Scofield."

"Those aren't blueprints," Klaus said, studying the paint. "Those are blue paintings from _Braveheart_."

"Oh, my God!" I cried. "You may take my freedom, but you may never take my life." Oh, damn, I said it wrong!


	6. In Which Steve comes to the Rescue

Well, after searching for my family for eleven hours, I decided to give up and start a new life. I made more friends with Kevin, Alex and Chris and all these animals than with my own species. I proposed to Katrina and, guess what, she said, 'Yes'. I couldn't believe it. I finally got married with a giant whale marrying the both of us.

Everything was going so perfect. Without the control freakiness of my dad, the over-protection of my mom, the terrible criticism of my sister and the lack of help from Roger and Klaus, yeah! But after the day, we got married, we couldn't find our friends anywhere on the island; they went missing. We split up and went our own ways to find them. At the end of the day, I had no luck. Then something caught me and I was pulled into a bush. It was Katrina, who had her hand over her mouth.

"I found them," she whispered, "but we can't follow them."

I was confused, but then everything made sense when she showed me that Kevin and Thomas were captured by black hooded men and being loaded on a truck. Even Alex and Chris couldn't swim away from a speed boat, controlled by the same group. They all went away.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" I yelled.

"I know where they're taking them," she sighed.

"Then what are we waiting for?" I repeated.

"The building where they're going is heavily guarded," she sighed. "We can't sneak in."

I thought about it and I had an idea. "Follow me," I said.

We went back to our tent, which was where we lived. I got the box out and got out our scuba diving equipment.

"Do you think this will be the answer?" I asked her.

"I do."

So we got our gear on and we entered the hot warm, yet colourful sea. We could see a lot of sand and seaweed, but no fish. I was wondering if they had fled to avoid the hunters.

We came to a giant pipe and swan through it. We saw there were loads of giant cages with a lot of fish in them. We found Chris and Alex in one cage. Katrina found an axe and she broke them free. I grabbed another axe and we started breaking other cages. As soon as the fish was free, the giant end of the pipe was blocked off! Then two divers caught both of us! The fish were intelligent enough to get back in their cells like ordinary prisoners; because they were no other way to get out and divers had guns pointed at them.

Katrina and me were pulled up and were taken our equipment off.

"Well!" smiled Katrina. "You got us into trouble, but you haven't lost your awesomeness!"

"It comes from being with a father in the CIA," I said modestly.

Then the chief came to us. "Violation onto government property means one sentence: Life imprisonment! Right here on this island!"

It reminded me of a voice I recognized but I didn't have time to work it out as me and Katrina was escorted to a prison cell. It was dark and cold and we were very frightened. None of us could think of a way out, so we had to hope for a miracle.


	7. In Which Hayley does Better

Well, I couldn't find my lost family, but I did find a new life here. I was in a very good environment and I think I found my loved one I had been looking all my life. I was having so much fun with Sam; with looking after the animals and their homes.

Then one day, me and Sam were relaxing in a mud bath.

"You don't know how long I've always wanted this!" I exclaimed.

"And you don't know how long I've always wanted to share this with someone," smiled Sam.

"What about _your_ family?" I asked him.

"Well, I lost my parents in a car crash and my sister and I were sent to live with our uncle, who we never got on. We ran away and I lost my sister and I met my friends and I've been with them ever since."

I felt bad for him, but I also felt like that's something I should have done years ago especially with my dad.

Then the subject was changed. "How you seen anyone today?" I asked.

"No, I haven't," thought Sam.

Then we heard faint 'Help'. So we got out, got quickly dressed and, hiding behind the bushes, we saw our animals friends and more being taken away. Once they were out of sight, it was a good time to follow them.

"Come on, Sam!" I yelled, but he stayed. "What are you waiting for?"

"That place where they're taking the animals... is where my nasty uncle works," he sighed. "If I get captured, I'll be in trouble."  
"Well, I can't save our friends without you," I pointed out. "If you come with me, I'll help you get in without being seen. Come on!"  
And then he _did_ come.

* * *

We followed the tracks and stopped at the gate of the building. Then Sam pointed a giant hole in the ground nearby. It was large for a molehill but the tunnel beneath it was as large as a New York subway, only not without pollution or criminals. We came to a dead end. Then Sam saw a spade left in the tunnel and dug... upwards! It made a tunnel upwards and we could climb up by holding on some giant tree roots. It was muddy and tough, but if the planet is happy with this, I'm happy. We reached the door of the building, so we past the gate. We opened the door and walked in and saw some strange weird things going on.

"All we've got to do is create a diversion to distract the security guards and then we will free everyone," Sam told me.

Then I lost focus on him as I saw my mom getting drunk in a bar with a bear, a boar and a horse! I couldn't believe it!

"Hayley? Hayley!" Sam was trying to get my attention.

"Create the distraction, Sam," I told him. "I'll start getting everyone free."

As Sam went to do his job, I went to mom. "Mom? What happened to you?"

"Hayley, where the hell have you been, Mommy's little slut?" Now my Dad has been _that_ offending to me, but never my mom. "I crashed the car," she went on, "and arrived on this island and then I made some new friends which I haven't made because of your father!"

Then the alarm went on and everyone froze. Then security guards ran out of the building. Sam came back.

"Everyone, get out!" he shouted. "Get out and try to hide somewhere in the forest where no one will ever find you!"

Everyone cheered and ran out.

"Come, on, Hayley, let's go and free the caged animals!" Sam went on.

"Come on, Mom!" I cried as I ran to join Sam. Mom and her friends followed, wobbling all the way.

* * *

Soon we freed all of the caged animals and all off the cell doors. Then the last one I opened I couldn't believe it!

"Hayley!"

"Steve!" And we hugged like brother and sister. "Is that your new girlfriend?" I asked him.

"My wife," he answered. "And who is this?"

"My boyfriend," I sighed. "You've beat me to it."

"Listen, there's more caged animals underwater," Steve told me. "We get in there, free them and swim with them."  
"But I can't swim," I protested.

"Me and Katrina came in with scuba diving equipment," Steve said. "You guys swim with us with our buddy breathing equipment."

"I can't swim either," sighed Sam.

"No worries, brother," smiled Katrina, getting up. She and Sam hugged like brother and sister.

"You're brothers and sisters?" I married a man and _my_ brother married _his_ sister? I was totally confused. But there was no time. Steve and Katrina led me and Sam and her mom and her friends followed, but they were treading on the surface really. Steve and Katrina wasted no time freeing every creature. Then we caught mom and her friends and escaped with the sea creatures. We quickly reached the surface when we were safe enough away from the island. Our mission was accomplished!

But our victory was short-lived as all of us were picked up on a boat. Then we all got tied up and I saw a dark-hooded character!

"It's you!" cried Steve. "You're the one who caught me with my wife when trying to rescue those animals before!"

"And you're the one who caught me and my friends to live in luxury," sighed Mom, still drunk.

"Who are you?" I demanded to know.

The figure took his hood off and none of us believe what we saw!


	8. In Which Stan Tells the Whole Story

"Stan!"

"Dad!"

"Dad!"

And I was greeted by a lot of confusing questions. "SHUT UP!" I yelled. Then they went silent. Then I began my story.

"From the beginning, it was a very busy day at the C.I.A. President Obama was giving his speech. I went out for a toilet break and then when I came back, the President was shot and everyone suspected it was _me_ who fired the gun because I left the damn room. So I had to make a run for it. If I told anyone, the C.I.A. would arrest them and question them. That's why I couldn't come home that night and that's why I couldn't tell any of you guys. Then I rented a speedboat and I drove far away as I could, then I was running out of fuel, so I found a little island nearby and I landed there. Then I landed on this island and I searched for money, food, houses, anything – don't say water because we're surrounded by it. Then I came to this building and then I was offered this position to find animals to make life easy for them and help them, by making them a little more human. Then I found you guys and I've been trying to protect you, but you running off isn't making life easier."

"And it was better thinking it was not _you_, Stan!" yelled Francine.

"Yeah, how could you do this?" asked Steve.

"I had no choice!" I shouted. "Besides these guys have been so good to us."

Then a giant cruise came to my boat and their guards came out to take us on board.

* * *

They escorted me and my family to the owners' room. We left our animal friends and my kids' interests outside. When we were inside, we saw Nicholas and Cassandra Dawson.

"Here are your special guests, Mr. and Mrs. Dawson," I told them.

"Thank you, Stan, my son-in-law," smiled Mr. Dawson.

I was expecting Francine and my kids to be happy surprised, but they were shock surprised.

"My parents? Did this whole thing? Shooting President Obama and doing these horrible treatments to animals?" Francine was shouting like when she has her period.

"My beautiful Francine," smiled Mrs. Dawson. "We did this to help the animal kingdom. We're making them more intelligent, giving them the ability to talk and we're helping them more than ever in the history of the world. And, more importantly, we're getting rich and more powerful!"

"You see, Francine, now you know about them, we can now live here and have good lives. Steve, you can date all the women you want. Hayley, you should be happy that the animals can live like people now. Well?"

Everyone stared at me angrily.

"These animals have lost their lives, if they have to become humans!" yelled Hayley.

"I would not become a prostitute even if my life depended on it! I couldn't live with myself!" yelled Steve.

"Well, I can't live with _myself_, knowing I have horrible parents!" yelled Francine.

"Maybe Stan should have persuaded you to see us in the first place when he found us, instead of leaving you with your poor adoptive parents!"

"You what?" Francine stared the angriest face she had ever made at me.

"I found them and brought them to our house to see you, but the house was on fire and I was trapped. They left me to burn in there, but Mama and Baba called the fire department and rescued me _inside _the house. Worse of all, they left you at the airport just so they could go on a vacation in high-class! That's why I thought you didn't want to see them. But now they promised me a position if I found you and brought them to you."

"Actually, it's not meant for _you_," said Mr. Dawson. "It's for _him_." Then I turned to see _my_ father coming into the room.

"Hello, son," smiled my dad.

"How did you break out?" I shouted.

"The Dawsons paid enough money to get me out of prison and drop the sentences," he answered. "And they used me to bring you and your family here."

"What? You mean - "

"That's right," smiled dad. "_I'm _the one who shot Obama!"

"Now here's the choice: join us as a big family or suffer with your furry, stinky friends. You choose and quickly, too!" The Dawsons were waiting impatiently.

I looked at my own family and they were backing away. A difficult choice: Live with my old family and go back to the crappy ways or become important and make a difference in America and the world.

"Join those generations and you'll lose the next!" yelled Francine.

I thought about it and I moved to... my family!

"What?" Both my dad and Francine's parents were deeply shocked.

"Being away from them has made realise what is important in life – family! Being on the trip has actually proved it," I concluded.

"Then you know what we have to do," said Cassaranda. She nodded to my dad, who pulled a gun on us!

"It's not too late to change your mind, Stan," said my dad. But I still stayed with them. "Well, you had your chance!" My dad cocked the gun and aimed at them. He was very close to pulling the trigger, then –

BAM! The door exploded and the animals entered along with Katrina and Sam. The animals were actually like normal animals do – sweat and roar when they're pissed off! Then C.I.A. agents arrived in the room and caught my dad, who dropped the gun. And they caught the Dawsons too. They were all escorted out.

"I was just buying time," I told my family proudly.

"Not enough!" And with a few gunshots, we quickly turned to see Sam and Katrina on the floor, blood spilling out. We saw the animals holding down an old man with a grey beard on the floor. Steve and Hayley went to their love interests.

"Why?" they asked.

"Because he maybe our uncle but he is evil," answered Katrina.

"And you guys are all worth dying for," added Sam. Those were his and Katrina's last words.

"That's what true love is all about," sighed Francine.

I turned to the uncle. "Who are you? And why did you do that?"

"I am Sir John Jones and I want to help people live on in animal bodies so both creatures will live," said the Uncle.

I didn't buy that. "You just want power and glory, don't you? Well, you had it and lost your own family! I almost lost _my_ own family, because of you!" I was so angry that I knew what he deserved – a bullet in his head. Francine got in the way.

"Stan, you kill him and you _will_ lose your family!" she yelled at me.

This stopped me and I was hesitating. Then more CIA agents arrived and caught the old man. Then Roger, holding Klaus in his bowl, walked behind the CIA agents and joined us.

"I was buying more time _that_ time, too," I smiled at Francine.

"Sure you were!" yelled Roger. "Besides, thanks for saving me and the fish."  
"You're welcome," I chuckled, joking at him. Then I turned to see Francine hugging our children, who were in tears, kneeling over their partners. I went to them.

"My live is ruined!" yelled Steve.

The animals were making their usual animal noises. "We lost our friends, too," sobbed Hayley.

"At least, we can put them back in the forest or in the sea or wherever they came from and live without the threat of humans," I assured them.

* * *

On the deck, the dolphins and the fish went off into the sea. And all of the other animals went into the sea and swan for land. My family and I waved them off. Then we wrapped Katrina's and Sam's bodies in wooden crates and we chucked them off to sea, where they would now rest in peace.

"Thank you for saving us, Stan," cried Francine, "and for dealing with our parents without violence."

"Hey, I always put you guys first," I smiled. "I hide it even from you so I don't want you guys thinking I'm soft or my colleagues or my enemies."

"And you've done a very good job," said an important voice. We turned around and standing next to me was President Obama! Next to him stood Bullock, Sanders and Jackson. "Well done, Stan Smith of the CIA. I'm sorry we planned this whole thing for you."

"You planned this, sir?" asked Steve.

"Yes," smiled Bullock. "I knew these villains were connected to your family. That's why I shot the President myself and framed you so that you would run to them and track them."

"And we're very sorry we chased your family out of your house," said Jackson.

"Once Stan was framed, you guys wouldn't be safe," added Sanders.

"Not me," whispered Roger to Klaus. "I would run to Hollywood and become successful."

"And I would've been fed to a cat," sighed Klaus, not believing him.

"And now, Stan, may I present to you this medal for one of the bravest acts in America and for mankind and for the world?" asked the President, offering me a medal. I looked to my family and to the medal.

"That's all right, sir," I said, walking to my family. "I got what I deserved."

"Oh, Stan!" smiled Francine, hugging and kissing me.

"Dad!" cried Steve and Hayley, hugging me.

Then everything was fuzzy and rocky.

"What's happening?" asked Steve, in a broken stereo voice.


	9. In Klaus Concludes the Story

What was happening is that Roger put the Smiths in the goo chambers and had programmed them not into a vacation, but into a movie! Yeah, that's right! They've been following a script Roger wrote and he was trying to experiment _neue_ way to make movies and he was showing to me.

"Well, what do you think?" Roger asked me.

"I say it's just an unconvincing trick for actors just to be paid for lazy work," I sighed. "And your script was pretty _scheibe_."

Roger growled. "Why did I come on this planet if I can't do anything worthwhile?" He bashed his hand on the control panel and accidently hit the release button, releasing the Smiths out of the goo chambers.

"We're home in Langley Falls!" coughed Steve.

"You mean we never left?" Francine was shocked.

"Roger, what has happened?" Hayley demanded to know.

"Well, uh, I was, uh – " Roger tried to think of something, but Stan found out.

"Did you do all of this?" Stan yelled. "You sent me on a wild goose chase by making me think I shot Obama?"

"I didn't meet my lost love either?"

"I didn't crash?" Then Francine realised. "No, that was a good thing."

"Guys? Guys!" A scared Roger backed away from the raging Smiths. "Listen, Staniel, it's from Bullock! He ordered this for an experiment."

But seeing that the Smiths weren't buying it, Roger fearfully ran out of the basement with the Smiths in pursuit. As for me, there was nothing for me to do, but to go to sleep, because what can a goldfish do if he lives with someone who doesn't care about him?

* * *

The End

_American Dad!_ created by Seth MacFarlane, Mike Barker and Matt Weitzman


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